I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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