I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
