I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
