but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
