So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
