At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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