If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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