Rock
Scissors
Fuck
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
