her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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