I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize