The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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