I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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