He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
