I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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