I didn't shave. On purpose
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Im part way to drunk.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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