bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
