i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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