i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
