What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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