glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
