Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
