Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
