belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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