Fine. I'll sleep in my office
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
