i think my tv is drunk
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I pour the whiskey from now on
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
