Got a toothbrush?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize