So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
