Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
