I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
