Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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