come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
