I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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