The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
