just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
