Don't you send me to vm
Yo dont text me then not text me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
