Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
