he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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