She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize