Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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