in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize