Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize