WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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