just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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