he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize