I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
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