I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Blood and glitter go together right?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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