Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
