Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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