Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
