ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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