tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
