fuck your aforementioned shoe
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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