i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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