Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
