So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
