yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
