I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
