"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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