I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
