I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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