Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
