Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
