Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
