Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
