oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
As shirtless as possible
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
