fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
