Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
