I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have tasted many bathrooms
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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