If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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