I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
