So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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