This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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