i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Randomize
