he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
