Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
