Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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