I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
