Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize