So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
